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Completing the circle
Feb. 15th, 2016 08:53 pmIt's been a good six weeks now. I've had totems come and go, ebb and flow, lead then watch. This is Vanadis's third appearance. The first with which I've seen hir form clearly.
Usually most who have stayed for that long sit back, having guided me on a short lesson. This one... is just a little bit bigger.
I'm prone to dreaming, stepping forward, falling, and giving up. Fast learning that the key to staying afloat means not taking myself or my journey too seriously. We're here to have a good time and express ourselves, are we not?
I'm prone to chickening out half the time when talking to people I admire, or fearing I'll screw up and shutting myself away from a community. Vanadis's repeatedly pointed out that whenever I've gotten past that, it's always been a vital factor in my well-being and a good story to tell, and in fact one of those times became a huge reason shi was discovered or invoked, depending on the story you believe.
I'm a recovering shut-in, sheltered late-bloomer who got stuck in hir own head whenever hitting a low point. Shi shows me all the times I got out of that really weren't by virtue of a cocoon, and that I'm not just alone in a hostile world if I take the time to look.
I'm prone to getting locked into loops, say with games or social media, when I'm feeling discouraged. Shi's pointing it out every time I start now, pointing out everything, really, from faces to plants to weird architecture quirks. It's all part of being mindful and observant, and that so far has done a world of good already.
Shi's also reminding me that I very much identify with otherkin and pagans, foremost by choice, but still left wondering and suspecting at the threads of serindipity. True or not, the visual, the dreams, the possibilities and the stories? That's all potential project fodder right there! This is directly helping me claim and explore ideas as a creative.
Truth is, I'm just a being in the cosmos regardless of form. But the gryphon's the one I build for myself out of literally everything else. The whole. The reason shi's so chimeric. Vanadis is like any other piece of that, difference being shi has a very solid persona rather than an idealized set of vagaries. Not to mention, shi is also an complete extravert, and BY FAR the boldest, most talkative face in my mind's eye.
But shi's also insisting on sticking around, and wants me not only showing, but wearing hir face at BLFC, effectively as a field test, and to help draw me out and balance me around kindred souls and shunt out my own insecurities. It's not permanent, but it's important if I want to spread my own works and my experiences.
Usually most who have stayed for that long sit back, having guided me on a short lesson. This one... is just a little bit bigger.
I'm prone to dreaming, stepping forward, falling, and giving up. Fast learning that the key to staying afloat means not taking myself or my journey too seriously. We're here to have a good time and express ourselves, are we not?
I'm prone to chickening out half the time when talking to people I admire, or fearing I'll screw up and shutting myself away from a community. Vanadis's repeatedly pointed out that whenever I've gotten past that, it's always been a vital factor in my well-being and a good story to tell, and in fact one of those times became a huge reason shi was discovered or invoked, depending on the story you believe.
I'm a recovering shut-in, sheltered late-bloomer who got stuck in hir own head whenever hitting a low point. Shi shows me all the times I got out of that really weren't by virtue of a cocoon, and that I'm not just alone in a hostile world if I take the time to look.
I'm prone to getting locked into loops, say with games or social media, when I'm feeling discouraged. Shi's pointing it out every time I start now, pointing out everything, really, from faces to plants to weird architecture quirks. It's all part of being mindful and observant, and that so far has done a world of good already.
Shi's also reminding me that I very much identify with otherkin and pagans, foremost by choice, but still left wondering and suspecting at the threads of serindipity. True or not, the visual, the dreams, the possibilities and the stories? That's all potential project fodder right there! This is directly helping me claim and explore ideas as a creative.
Truth is, I'm just a being in the cosmos regardless of form. But the gryphon's the one I build for myself out of literally everything else. The whole. The reason shi's so chimeric. Vanadis is like any other piece of that, difference being shi has a very solid persona rather than an idealized set of vagaries. Not to mention, shi is also an complete extravert, and BY FAR the boldest, most talkative face in my mind's eye.
But shi's also insisting on sticking around, and wants me not only showing, but wearing hir face at BLFC, effectively as a field test, and to help draw me out and balance me around kindred souls and shunt out my own insecurities. It's not permanent, but it's important if I want to spread my own works and my experiences.
